Frustration Sets In (Again)...

So I went to a career fair last night, still trying to find a job around here. It was an incredible waste of time. I made my husband leave work early to watch the kids, I dressed professionally and even applied makeup for the first time in a LONG time, I fought the traffic to get to a hotel downtown where the event was to be held, and I revamped my CV for the umpteenth time. The only messages that I got while I was there were:

1. I'm overqualified for their position
2. They only do manufacturing, not R&D
3. They have no need for an immunologist
4. Check back in November and continue to check our website

The whole experience was very depressing. At least while I was pregnant I could justify to myself why noone was hiring me! Now I'm back to the drawing board, and no one wants to even interview me, much less hire me. What's even more distressing about the whole situation is that we live in the biotech/pharmaceutical capital of the US (more or less) and I can't get a job. Ironically, if I want to move to Maryland or California, I can get a job right away!

I know that I should just enjoy this time off to spend time with my new son and to get things done around the house, but I spent so much time and energy on my education that I can't bear to think that this is all my future holds. It's not that I don't love my kids. I adore them and I wouldn't give them up for the world, but I don't see why it's so much to ask to have the career that I've worked so hard for as well as the family that we've built. I guess all I can do is wait and see what comes up in November once companies get their budgets done and more positions are listed.

My biggest fear when I was laid off was that I would be unemployed for a year or longer. Now it looks as though my fear will be realized. Even though I had the consulting job that I truly enjoyed, I knew that it was just a fleeting opportunity, not a real position. And so, the depression sets in and my feelings of self-worth begin to decline once again. How sad is it that a great deal of my happiness is governed by my career rather than my family or health or other good things in my life?