Monique and the Mango Rains

Our book club recently read a book that I really loved. We even had the opportunity to speak with the author via speaker phone, which made me love the book even more since we could delve deeper into some of the characters and get to know them even better.

Below is a quote from another reader in NY who is a childbirth educator and midwife who recommended the book to all her friends:

...the main character is a West African midwife named Monique Dembele. I haven't been moved this much by a character in a long time. Reminds me of A Simple Heart by Flaubert. Monique is pure and passionate about her life, work and children. She gives everything to her world. A Jesus figure. I am a doula, childbirth educator, midwifery student and mother so this book touched me on many levels. A nice way to experience Mali if you can't get there. The author may come to NYC for a reading next year. In the meantime, I encourage you to buy the book, read it in your book club (Kris loves coming in to book clubs for discussions, in person or via speaker phone), and pass it on to friends.

Monique and the Mango Rains
Two Years with a Midwife in Mali By Kris Holloway

Against the background of day-to-day village life in Mali, Kris
Holloway draws a moving portrait of Monique Dembele, a legendary local midwife, and the extraordinary cross-cultural friendship that blossomed between them during Kris's stint as a Peace Corps volunteer.

“Delicious like mangos in season, you will not be able to put this incredible book down.” —Brigitte Jordan, author of Birth in Four Cultures

"There have been many accounts of studying people from other cultures, but few accounts of actually being friends with them. Anyone who is curious about what such a friendship feels like from the inside should read this respectful but intimate account..." —Anne Fadiman, author of The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down

A portion of the proceeds from book sales go to fund “Clinique Monique”, a maternal and child health clinic in Mali. For more information on the book or the clinic, please visit http://www.moniquemangorains.com/

If you haven't read this book yet, consider buying it or taking it out from the library. Monique was a truly unique individual in a culture where women rarely possess such positions of power in their villages. She was very inspiring to me, both for her wonderful outlook on life and marriage, and for her spirit. Happy reading!

Binkie Beast

Meet my nemesis:

I made my 2-year old give up his binkie on Saturday. What really made me decide that it was "time" was seeing a girl who was about 6 years old with not one, but TWO binkies in a restaurant the other day. She had one in her mouth and another in her hand. Are you kidding me? Thankfully, my son was not that attached to his binkie...he used it for naps and at bedtime. Nevertheless, I didn't want him to still be dependent on it when he was that age and so I figured there was no time like the present. Unfortunately, my husband didn't share my horror and wasn't so keen on the struggles that were to come, but thankfully was willing to support my decision that it was time for the binkie to disappear.

The first night wasn't awful. We told our son that he was a big boy now, and named all of his friends who were his age who also didn't use a binkie. Then I rubbed his back and got him to stop screaming, and he fell asleep pretty quickly. The next day at his nap time, he was so tired that he didn't even realize that he didn't have it. At bedtime he cried for a little while, but again I rubbed his back and named his friends and he fell asleep without it. Then on Monday he went to school...this is where it got a little messy. He managed to convince his teachers that he would die if he didn't have his binkie for his nap, and is so smart that he started naming his friends who still DID have their binkie. Ei Yi Yi. And, unbeknown to me, they had one of his binkies squirreled away at school for just one of those occasions, and he got them to relent and give it to him for nap. This created a monster. That night he screamed and yelled for his binkie and tried to get me to stay in his room with him all night. He'd fall asleep and then jerk awake to make sure that I was still there (and then scream if I wasn't). This was NOT GOOD. But, Tuesday was better. I made sure that school had no more binkies hidden away and he managed to nap without it. Dad put him to bed for the night, and although he cried for a bit, he managed. Today at nap time he fell asleep in his teacher's arms. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing, but at least there was no screaming for a binkie. I think it might be working. PHEW.

Am I winning the battle? Well, we've made progress, and ultimately I think this is the best thing for my son. Nevertheless, I still lose the Mom of the Year award by a landslide in my son's eyes. Hopefully he'll forgive me by the time he goes to college!

Year Anniversary

Well, I passed my "1 year unemployed" anniversary last week. I'm pretty depressed about it, although I do have a beautiful baby and a consulting gig to show for my time. Nevertheless, I really wanted to find gainful employment before I was unemployed for a whole year, it was kind of a deadline that I set in my brain. Of course, I did end up turning down the job offer that I got for a position in the Poconos, so I supposed I *could* have been employed if I could have accepted the position and therefore I shouldn't feel so bad about this. But, in a perfect world, I'd be settled into my Assistant Director position in a mid-sized biotechnology company helping to create a vaccine to treat and prevent cancer by now. SIGH.

Holiday Shopping

I LOVE any occasion to give gifts, so the holidays are very happy times for me. I actually prefer to give presents than receive them, and it's amazing what is available out there right now. The irony is that I REALLY hate shopping. No joke, I HATE it. As a result I do most of my shopping online, and this Christmas (and my dad's birthday and parent's anniversary are also in December) is not different. I've found some great stuff (and some great deals). As most people, I guess my only wish is that I could spend more money, there are so many great things that I would buy for people if I could afford to. Alas, having money to spend requires a job, and therefore, the answer has to be "not this year". Nevertheless, I'm proud of my gifts this year (hopefully they'll arrive on time - I've shipped them to different places), and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone's responses to what they're receiving! Yea holidays!

This is Hysterical...I Can't Agree More!

Kurt had this post on his blog last month (I've reproduced it below):

This email arrived today. I thought it interesting food for thought:

If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theatre of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers.

The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000 for the same period.

That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation , than you are in Iraq.

My conclusion: The U.S. should pull out of Washington.

I can't agree more. Great post Kurt!

Feast or Famine

I swear, it's feast or famine around here. I can't get a full time job to save my life for 11 months, and now suddenly it looks like I'm going to have two offers next week. Not only that, but there are two other opportunities that have arisen and seem to suit my experience quite well - they will be hiring in January and asked me if I can "wait". The next couple of weeks are going to be quite interesting...I will have to negotiate job offers, decide if I want to gamble on the other two opportunities that are going to be there by the end of the month, and decide if I want to go with a start-up or a HUGE established company. Yikes. Don't get me wrong, I'm pleased to finally have some options, but at the same time, now it's pretty much "be careful what you wish for". Too many options are as bad as not any. How can I know if I'm making the right decision? I guess time will be the judge...

Entertaining Conversation With a 2-year Old

This is an actual conversation I had with my two-year old son on the way to "school" (a.k.a. day care) the other day. It brought me great amusement. My son was drinking from a Finding Nemo sippy cup, and talking about the characters on his cup. The conversation was as follows:

My son: "Dory, Nemo, and Nemo's Daddy"
Me: "Yes, that's Dory, Nemo, and Marlin"
"No Marlo"
"Not Marlo, Marlin. Nemo's daddy is named Marlin"
"No Marlin...that's Nemo's daddy"
"You're right, that's Nemo's daddy, but Nemo's daddy has a name. His name is Marlin. Just like your daddy's name is Donald"

...long pause...

"No chicken nuggets!"

You can't make this stuff up.

Quote of the Day

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
- Charles M. Schulz

Stripped of sex...

...is the title of this blurb I found in The Yale Herald:

Stripped of sex
Sadly, straight, white Cornell students who decide against rushing fraternities are no longer permitted to have sex—sex education, that is. After the university announced its decision to “decentralize” its sexual awareness programs this week (perhaps in jealous awe of Yale’s Trojan Sexual Health Report Card), it became the responsibility of specific cultural and ideological groups (including Greek houses, Latino and African American groups, and the LGBT community) to teach their members about the birds and the bees. This approach raised eyebrows, since many Cornell students had something more like Sex Week at Yale in mind. Rest assured, though: Students in Ithaca will still be given basic how-to presentations upon arriving on campus. If you forget anything during the subsequent four years, though, you may just be screwed.

Having been a Cornellian, naturally, I was curious on what in the world Yale Sex Week was, so I did some more searching, and here is what I found in the Yale Daily News. An excerpt from this article follows:

For most students, Sex Week at Yale may simply be an excuse to attend humorous lectures or participate in unconventional, even titillating workshops. But for the evaluators of Trojan's Sexual Health Report Card, the event represents much more: a valuable effort to increase understanding of the importance of safe sex on campus. Sex Week was one of the most important features in Yale's sexual-health arsenal that helped it earn the top ranking in Trojan's recent survey, Sperling said.

While I think it's sad that students going to college do not have enough information to know about safe sex practices, it's even sadder that Harvard received F grades in the sexual health report card. One of their own students said

"The thing about Harvard students is that they are so difficult to cater to and difficult to please, and it's hard to get information to people who are brilliant...I think there are things we can work on, but we definitely are trying."

Ouch. I have had that experience with some former Harvard students I've interacted with (difficult to cater to and please), but I think that I would have to edit the response to read "...get information to people who THINK THEY are brilliant". Big difference there.

Anyway, what I find more interesting is the response from Brigham Young University, which scored dead last in the Trojan Sexual Health Survey:

Terry Olson, a professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University - which came in 100th, with F grades in all seven categories - said students there do not seek the services that served as a basis for the survey since the school's honor code forbids extramarital and premarital sex.

Hey, I say more power to these students for claiming that they will not partake in sexual activity, but the school should be a little more realistic than idealistic here. Probably of ALL teens, it is this group that needs sex ed more than any other because they most likely did not receive the information at home or in high school! It's one thing to mess up and then go to confession to ask forgiveness for fornication, but it's another thing to die from HIV because you made a bad choice and didn't know any better!

So, kudos to Yale, tsk tsk to BYU, and how in the world did Cornell get pulled into this mess? It wasn't even included in the survey! Boy, we always get a bad rap.

Banning Tag - Pure Ridiculousness (is that a word?)

So get this...two elementary schools in Massachusetts have banned tag, touch football and other chasing games. The stated reason from one of the schools administrators that this is:

...part of a broader standing rule against hitting and inappropriate touching

Are you kidding me? These are innocent games that are played by children at recess. If there are problems with individuals, they should be addressed personally, not by taking away the rights of all the kids to run and scream and have a blast at recess. The school administrators then said that it's also just part of protecting the school against lawsuits. According to All Headline News:

"Recess is a time when accidents can happen," says Willett Elementary School Principal Gaylene Heppe, who approved the ban.

Well, no, duh. Of course accidents happen at recess. It's a shame that we live in such a litigious society that schools have to be afraid of being sued if children get hurt. C'mon, it doesn't take chase games to have children get hurt, I have two kids at home, and they can get hurt just walking. They don't always pay attention...they're kids!

I am very disheartened by this news. So far this year our kids have lost the ability to make choices for themselves at lunchtime with the removal of vending machines and alterations of school lunches, video games have been regulated for being too violent (I agree with this on some level, but I think parents should regulate this, not government), and now they are not allowed to RUN AT RECESS. So if they can't be couch potatoes and they can't be athletes...what can they be?

Frustration Sets In (Again)...

So I went to a career fair last night, still trying to find a job around here. It was an incredible waste of time. I made my husband leave work early to watch the kids, I dressed professionally and even applied makeup for the first time in a LONG time, I fought the traffic to get to a hotel downtown where the event was to be held, and I revamped my CV for the umpteenth time. The only messages that I got while I was there were:

1. I'm overqualified for their position
2. They only do manufacturing, not R&D
3. They have no need for an immunologist
4. Check back in November and continue to check our website

The whole experience was very depressing. At least while I was pregnant I could justify to myself why noone was hiring me! Now I'm back to the drawing board, and no one wants to even interview me, much less hire me. What's even more distressing about the whole situation is that we live in the biotech/pharmaceutical capital of the US (more or less) and I can't get a job. Ironically, if I want to move to Maryland or California, I can get a job right away!

I know that I should just enjoy this time off to spend time with my new son and to get things done around the house, but I spent so much time and energy on my education that I can't bear to think that this is all my future holds. It's not that I don't love my kids. I adore them and I wouldn't give them up for the world, but I don't see why it's so much to ask to have the career that I've worked so hard for as well as the family that we've built. I guess all I can do is wait and see what comes up in November once companies get their budgets done and more positions are listed.

My biggest fear when I was laid off was that I would be unemployed for a year or longer. Now it looks as though my fear will be realized. Even though I had the consulting job that I truly enjoyed, I knew that it was just a fleeting opportunity, not a real position. And so, the depression sets in and my feelings of self-worth begin to decline once again. How sad is it that a great deal of my happiness is governed by my career rather than my family or health or other good things in my life?

Visit from mom

My mom came to visit us last week to spend some time with her grandchildren. It was nice to have her here, and fun to see the kids interact with their Grandma Bear. I seriously don't know where it comes from, and it certainly wasn't passed along to me, but my mom is like the Energizer Bunny. She has more energy than the standard teenager let alone a woman in her 60's. I forget because I don't see her very often since she lives out West. We had a wonderful visit, and we got so much accomplished!

The main thing that we accomplished was repainting the kitchen. It was a whirlwind few days of taping and priming and painting and cleaning. I am so glad to have it done, we hated the color of the kitchen since we moved in, and just never got around to doing anything about it. I'm not sure that my husband is thrilled with the final color, but I think it's growing on him (he did have a say in picking it out, don't worry!). I'll be thrilled to see it completed - mom and I went and picked out new drapes on Friday, but they're being made and won't arrive for a few more weeks. I think it'll look fantastic by Thanksgiving!

The other thing that mom did for me was give me a couple of hours kids-free last week to go and get pampered. I chose to go have a facial, it was wonderful and relaxing, although I have to say that I spent about half the time worrying that my kids were being extra challenging for my mom. They were... But, I forget that my mom was a stay-at-home mom with four daughters, three of whom were born within a four-year time span, so she can handle pretty much anything that a toddler and infant throw her way. Go mom!

Anyway, it was a great visit, and they don't happen often enough since we live so far apart. I guess that makes the time that we do have together even better. (I am tired though... ;-))

Thanks mom!

Brownie Points

My husband earned several brownie points with me this week. First of all, on Monday I had a job interview in the middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania. We had taken a road trip back to college last weekend, and so drove straight from our alma mater to the site of the interview. Keep in mind that we have a 22-month old and a 7-week old child... My interview was from 8am to nearly 4pm. It was pretty exhausting for me, but imagine what it was like for my poor husband. We were literally in the middle of nowhere, he had no idea where playgrounds or museums or anything were, and he had to check out of the hotel so had no "home base" to work from. Needless to say, he was worn out when it was all over (not to mention the fact that we had to drive home that night - 5 hours without a child who needs to eat every two hours). The reason he won brownie points with me is not only that he was willing to take on the challenge of the two kids for a day in the middle of nowhere, but that he really didn't complain about it. What a guy!

Here's the even better reason for his brownie points. Yesterday I was very depressed and suffering from a massive migraine to boot. Don got home from work and asked me how my day was and I answered that it was awful and that I got nothing worthwhile done. Do you know what his answer was? He said "did you feed the baby today?", and when I answered yes, he responded "than you accomplished something". While it didn't cure my malaise at the time, in retrospect it did begin the process of lifting my spirits, but more importantly, it reminded me of how much I love and appreciate him.

Major brownie points...

Daytime Television Woes

During my period of unemployment followed by mommyhood, I fell in love with the Ellen Degeneres show. Ellen is hilarious, I adore her monologues and she is very good at interviewing her guests and involving her audience in her show. Her show used to be on NBC here, at 11am. Now I guess she's moved networks or something, because her show has been replaced by the Megan Mullally show.

Now, I think that in my book, Megan had a strike against her to begin with since her show moved the Ellen show, but even if that weren't the case, I think her talk show is just AWFUL. First of all, she rips off Ellen daily, from having her mom in the audience to having an audience talent show to having a showtune show. But, aside from that, she always seems like she's waiting for something to happen - it just doesn't come naturally to her. She's had some great guests, but she just somehow drops the ball with each one.

It's a shame really, because I liked her character Karen on Will and Grace, she's shone on broadway, and I've heard her sing (not live) - she has a great range and a multitude of musical styles. Most of what she does is covers of other people's music, but it's still entertaining. As for her stint as a talk show host, I guess she may have just pushed her talent threshold...I don't think she's going to emerge as a talk show queen. She lacks Oprah's ability to suck her audience in (like it or not) or Ellen's ability to constantly entertain throughout her show. In addition, she doesn't have a natural rapport with her guests, even those that are old friends with whom she routinely spends time (Will Farrell). All I can say, is bring Ellen back! (I'm just whining because I have to pick up the darn remote control and exercise my thumbs).

As a final note, how sad is it that my world has come to this? From a brilliant budding scientist (no ego problems here, eh?) and mother to an unpaid daytime talk show critic in the period of a year. Pathetic? Yes. Bottom of the barrel? Hopefully. It can only go up from here...

Sad Anniversary

It's the fifth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, and I find that I am surprised by how much this anniversary has affected me. We were personally touched by this tragedy in many ways, ranging from knowing someone who worked in (and thankfully escaped) the world trade center on that day, to knowing someone who was killed defending our nation against further attacks from cowardly terrorists. I am sad because I think that as a country we've become somewhat complacent about the attacks, partly due to the length of time that has passed since the tragedy, but most likely due to the current administration's obscene mishandling of our resources and military prowess since the attacks. Granted, it's easy for me to be an armchair quarterback - I have no idea what I would do if I was the president to try to protect our country and assure that something like this wouldn't happen again. Nevertheless, I know that it would be vastly different from the ineptitude of Bush's White House.

But I digress...and this is exactly my point. The remembrance of the events that occurred five years ago today should not be marred by thoughts of revenge or of disappointment in our government. It should be about reflection on the people who died just doing their jobs or going about their life. I was thinking today about what it would be like to see my husband off to work as I do every day, only to learn that he'll never come home due to attacks by a small group of misguided individuals who resent the freedom that we relish in the country. It would be devestating and hard to understand. Also, at the time of the 9/11 attacks, my parents lived in the LA area - what if I had decided to go visit them, and was on one of those flights from Boston to LA that day? My sons would never have been born, and life for my husband and family would be quite different. It's all very depressing.

Of course, I instantly realized that I can't go about the day (or life for that matter) thinking like this...it's completely counterproductive. Instead, I chose to take a walk with my newborn son today, and to be thankful for the beautiful day, the freedom that I have, and the fact that I still have my husband, my family, and the ability to be here to go through this whole mess of emotions. As Kurt says in his Blog, Never Forget.

Local Flavor

We live in a very small town, and we have a weekly paper that keeps us up to date on the local happenings. To be completely truthful, I really only get the paper to read the police logs - they're my entertainment for the week. Here are some excerpts from this week police log...you can't make this stuff up:

12:32am., a resident reported possible gunshots. Police found that a resident had put fireworks into a bees' nest to get rid of it.

4:16pm., a resident reported that loud polka music had been coming from a residence for the past two days. Officers advised the music listener to turn down the volume.

New Baby!

Well, we came home with our new son on Wednesday, all 10lb 13oz of him! I couldn't believe how big he was. The doctors told us that he was measuring big, but they told us our first son was going to be a 10lb baby and he ended up to be 8lb 13oz, so we thought the second would be on par with the first. Boy were we wrong! I am SO glad that they decided to induce labor early, I can't imagine how big he would have been if I went to term.

We went in for my induction on Monday morning at 7am, leaving our first son home with Grandma. I had been having contractions anyway, so it didn't take much Pitocin to get things going. But, just like the first time, things accelerated for about an hour and then just stayed that way for several more hours...no dilation, no water breaking, just painful contractions. Uugh. But, the doctor kept promising that this wouldn't be a 22-hour experience like the first one! So, they kept upping the dose of Pitocin, they broke my water (this is rather nasty by the way, and I truly feel for any woman who has this happen in public), and then I got the lovely, happy epidural and napped for a couple of hours. The stubborn kid did NOT want to come out. The doctor said his hand was actually up above his head, as though he was trying to push himself back in! Then around 5:15 they said that I could start pushing, and with me pushing like crazy and the doctor pulling and twisting like crazy, we managed to get the big boy out at 5:47pm.

Of course I'm biased, but I think he's absolutely gorgeous. He's big, healthy, and squeaky - the squeaking gives much delight to his big brother, who is going to have a heck of a time maintaining that title with a little brother that was born a full two pounds heavier than he was! But, big brother is taking things in stride and alternates between delight and jealousy with the arrival of his little sibling. I wouldn't expect any less, and I'm sure they'll be fast friends in a year or 20. In the meantime, we're going to have our hands full with these guys, and we'll do our best to enjoy every minute of it (forgetting these sleepless nights, of course).

Any day now!

It has been a while since I've blogged, pesky job...interfering with my free time to play on the internet. I mean, where in the world have my priorities been?

Anyway, I'm due to have my baby on Wednesday of next week, but I've been feeling like the birth is imminent since Monday. Or maybe it's wishful thinking, but I'm so uncomfortable now, that I don't care what the reason is, as long as it's true! I went in to see my doctor yesterday, and she said that the baby is so big that they're going to induce me. They're going to try to squeeze me in this afternoon if possible, but I'm officially scheduled for bright and early Monday morning if nothing happens over the weekend. I'm SO ready to be rid of this discomfort, but i'm still not sure that I'm ready for the lack of sleep, the feeling of a human cow (milk machine), or the added stress of trying to make sure our toddler knows that we still love him as much as we ever did! It's going to be an interesting time.

So, whatever happens in the next few days, I'm sure it's going to be eventful. And, aside from the obvious wish of having a healthy baby, my only hope is that I get to the hospital in time to have an epidural ;-)

Where have you been all my life?

Have I mentioned yet that I love my new car? It's fun to drive, pretty peppy for it's size, and comfortable to ride in. My son enjoys the space in the back seat (or at least I enjoy that he's not kicking the passenger seat constantly during our car fides), my husband can drive and change the seat position and all I have to do is push a little button and the seat goes back to the way I like it, and I have great music at my fingertips with a 6-CD changer in the dash. All of these things are good. Really good. But what is even better is the NAVIGATION SYSTEM.

Where has this thing been all my life? My husband can attest to how badly I needed this. Prior to getting this car, I was a mapquest junkie. I would mapquest EVERYTHING, print out the directions, and then end up with a tree equivalent in my backseat since I never threw away what I had printed. Have I mentioned how dangerous reading while driving is? More than that, what happens when you make a wrong turn? Your paper instructions just can't adapt. The nav system I got (and use almost daily) updates when I take wrong turns! Woo-hoo! I've found new routes to work, lakes I didn't know existed, and shortcuts in my town that I also didn't know existed.

The other really cool thing about this nav system is that it can find things for you. Here's an example...I just started this new job in a town that is about 30 miles away and that I'm not really familiar with. I needed to go to a post office the other day and I had NO IDEA where to go. So, I get into my trusty new car, turn on the nav system, and have it look up the nearest post office for me. Just push the little point of interest button, push post office, and voila! directions to the post office. It was under a mile away, but I would have never found it without the nav system (without asking a local) because it was tucked away on a back street. What a wonder. Today I found an ATM the same way. I don't think I can go back to a car without a navigation system ever again!

What fun!

War of the Worlds

We watched War of the Worlds last night, and although nagged by the feeling that we could have gotten a little more out of it if we had seen it on the big screen (or at least on the big plasma screen TV that we don't own), I have to say that it was a very disappointing movie. You're all going to see my geeky side come out here... It was full of inconsistencies and the feeling of "been there, done that". One inconsistency, occurred at the very beginning, was that the aliens who were attacking earth emitted an electromagnetic pulse that stopped everything electronic from working. Yet, five minutes later, there is some interesting cinematography through the lens of a digital camcorder. I have to admit that the cinematography was a cool touch, but c'mon, be a little consistent Steve. Cars aren't working, watches aren't working, how in the world is this dude's camcorder working?

There was also the usual back-story: deadbeat dad alienated from his kids, mom has a new near-perfect life, kids are a little bizarre from their parents splitting, resentment abounds, dad redeems himself in the eyes of the bitter children, everyone lives happily ever after (or at least the people who weren't dessimated by the aliens. There was a pathetic attempt at trying to make the son appear a hero and inspire his dad, but I didn't buy it. I could go on and on about this movie, but the last thing that was really irksome was that the wife's family somehow survived completely unscathed. Their house was intact, they were all clean and well-dressed, and even though the rest of Boston was destroyed, they made it through...no worries.

I'm usually a fan of Steven Spielberg, and I think that War of the Worlds had a lot of potential, but someone dropped the ball on this one (tempted to blame Tom Cruise here, but I really don't think he's the one responsible for this fumble)! Oh, but one more thing...I think that bacteria being the downfall of aliens was a pretty cool touch. That's just the immunologist in me...

Number Games

There are some strange number associations in my family, the significance of which I am unable to ascertain (I'm open to suggestions if anyone is into numerology). There are six people in my immediate family, three of us have a birthday on the 21st of a month, two of us have a birthday on the 5th of a month, and the last has a birthday on the 16th of a month (this is 21 minus 5 if the obviousness escapes you). When my son was born, I went into labor very early (5:30) in the morning on the 20th of a month, and my father predicted that my son would hold out being born until the 21st of the month. Wouldn't you know it, he was born around 3am on the 21st. Creepy!

This baby was originally due on the 24th of August, but my due date has since been revised to the 19th of the month. So, anyone placing bets on whether I go overdue so that this baby can be born on the 21st of the month? I sincerely doubt it, but I do have to add that today is the 21st of a month, and I have been suffering from very significant baby-related pains (no, I'm not in labor). Now, I don't want to curse myself since the day is not quite over, but I have to say that more than once today I considered that these pains were leading up to an event that I wasn't sure I was prepared for (early labor), simply due to the significance of the number. Thankfully, I drank a ton of water this evening and have kept my feet up on the couch, and so far it seems like the pains are simply just baby growing pains and nothing else. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

So, here's hoping that this 21st of the month comes and goes baby-free... We'll have to see what the 21st (or 5th or 16th) of the next month brings!

New Car!

I finally did it! We had to go all the way to Quincy to do it, but I got a car yesterday! I don't think I was robbed too badly, but it certainly wasn't for lack of trying on the part of the dealership. Here's what happened...

I called my neighborhood Ford dealer last week and told him that I wanted to buy a 2006 Ford Freestyle, and what options I wanted. He said that he'd see what he could find for me, but didn't have anything in stock that matched what I wanted. He called me back later and said that he could only find one that was at another dealership, but it had MORE than what I wanted and that he wouldn't be able to get me as good of a deal on it as he could if I bought one that they had in stock already. Since I didn't want to pay for options that I didn't necessarily want, and I wanted the freedom to negotiate, I told him that I'd try to figure out something else. So, with the beauty of the internet, I went online and searched the inventory of all the Ford dealers in a 60-mile radius of our house, which is how we ended up going to Quincy.

At first, it was a relatively easy transaction. I asked for a quote online, and was responded to right away. He listed a very good price and so we decided to bring my car in for an appraisal. He said that if I brought my title, we could probably get the transaction done and bring the car home the same day to save us the trouble of having to get back to Quincy during the next week. So, yesterday morning, the family jumped into the car and headed on the trek to Quincy. When we got there, the dealer pulled around the car I was interested in so that my husband could see it (up to that point, he had pretty much been out of the loop!), and they took my registration to check out my Volvo. Here's where it gets pretty shady...they come back to me and say that my trade-in is worth $5600. This is $3800 less than what Edmunds said my car should be worth for trade-in (I'm glad I looked it up before I left!). I got REALLY mad and told him NO WAY, I know that I should get much more for my trade! He then comes back with this book that has trade-in prices listed (it wasn't Kelly's Blue Book, I have no idea what it was) and he opens it to this page that lists the Volvo S40, and he says, "see? this is our guide for trade-ins, and it says your car is worth $5600". I look in the stupid book, and while he's right, that's what it said, that was the price for the stripped-down basic model. I had the "loaded SE turbo" which conveniently wasn't listed in the book. This made me even angrier because I think he was trying to take advantage of the big, fat, poor pregnant woman. So I told him to go online, look up the costs of all of the options that I had on my car, and come back with a price that better. He said that he couldn't do that, but then he said, "we really want to make this happen for you today, but there's no way we'll be able to give you that price for your trade in. Give me a number we can work with". So, I said $8000 and he did the usual "I have to talk to my manager" and came back with $7000. I said, "thanks, but no thanks, I can do a lot better elsewhere" (my sister and her husband would be so proud) and we started to walk out. He came running back and said how about if we do $7500 and zero percent financing? I was tempted to just say no, but I also wanted it to be over, so we took the price and the financing, and voila! new car (and we got to take it home yesterday). I think we did pretty well. We got the car at just under invoice rather than list price, and then a relatively fair price on the trade-in. My husband said that if we had completely left, we probably could have gotten them up to a better trade-in price, but it wasn't worth the long trip back and forth.

Ultimately, I am pleased with the transaction. It wasn't pain-free, but I don't feel like I got taken to the cleaners. It made me realize how much I got ripped off when I bought my Jeep back in 1998. I had no idea that you could even try to get a car for less than sticker price, that they generally try to rip you off on the value of your trade in, and that you could cleverly finance so as not to spend twice as much money on a car than it's worth. I ended up getting a $18,000 (sticker price) car for about $25,000 when all was said and done. YIKES.

Drumroll please...here is my new car!
>

A Quality State Trooper

In general, I don't really have anything bad to say about Massachusetts State Troopers. I think that they have a really thankless job, and they do their best to protect MA citizens and uphold our laws. You really couldn't pay me enough to do what they do for a living, and I respect the danger that they put themselves in every day for our benefit. This being said, I am not sure that all of them are the most savvy of individuals. Indeed, I saw a State Trooper today do something so moronic that I am preferring to believe was just having an off day...I was shocked to see what he did.

I was driving home from work this evening, on a three-lane highway (I guess technically it's a 6-lane highway, three lanes on each side) that has a 65 MPH speed limit. There was a trooper standing in the right breakdown lane of the highway, shooting his radar gun at oncoming traffic. This in itself is not shocking, although I think his safety may have been better served shooting the radar gun from within his vehicle. Nevertheless, that was what he was doing. What shocked me was that he targeted someone in the far-left lane (who I agree should have been pulled over, the guy was FLYING). Then the genius trooper stepped into oncoming traffic in the far right lane to get the attention of the driver in car he was trying to pull over. It wasn't just that he took one step into the lane, he walked halfway across it... The cars in both the middle lane and the right lane slammed on their brakes, because they weren't sure if he was going to stop, continue, or run back onto the shoulder! He nearly caused a multi-car accident, not to mention nearly losing his own life.

The trooper did get his man (and he had three other cars pulled over at the same time), but I think that the danger in which he put himself and the other drivers who were respecting the speed limit, was not worth the revenue that will come out of four measley little moving violations.

The F Bomb

I have really been trying to be a good mom. I try not to lose my temper too often, to understand where my son is coming from when he's throwing a tantrum and to play at least as much as I discipline. The inconsistencies that we have to deal with as parents are astounding... For example, we're trying to teach my son to share with others. For the most part, he's very good at it - as good as a 19-month-old can be. The problem is, that he's learned the word share, and therefore expects us to share with him as well. Food, no problem. Coffee, beer, wine...problem. So, we tell him that there are certain things that are only mommy and daddy things, things that little boys can't have. I'm sure he wants to know why there aren't certain things that are only his things, but he hasn't learned the words to vocalize this yet. Nevertheless, I can see it in his eyes. This is among the things we struggle with as parents.

Our son is also developing quite a vocabulary very rapidly. He is really a little ocular sponge, and often surprises us with the things he comes up with. This leads to the obvious conclusion that we really have to watch what we say! We really don't have potty-mouths, but even some topics of conversation are probably not appropriate, and we've been making a concerted effort to self-edit.

This brings us to this morning. I am very under the weather today, some kind of stomach bug that is also some form of temporary narcolepsy (not really, I'm just REALLY tired and can fall asleep at the drop of a hat...most likely a combination of the pregnancy and the illness). Bottom line...I was not in top form. Our son and I were playing on the floor with his building blocks, and I got tired and so laid my head down on the floor when *WHAM* he hits me in the head with a big wooden dog. Yowsa did it hurt - and before I could even think about it, I dropped the big F-bomb! I was horrified but also speechless with pain and tears in my eyes. I am not sure that my son even registered what I said, he was so startled by my reaction to what happened. He and his dad went and got me the boo-boo kitty out of the freezer, and I had a nasty headache. Our son said that he was sorry and kept checking too see that I was ok (but he was also crying because he couldn't have the boo-boo kitty too). He and his daddy went outside to play, and I'm pretty sure that he rapidly forgot about it as soon as he got on his bike. I think that I am much more traumatized.

What comes from all this? Probably not much, but next week when our son surprises his teachers at day care with the F-bomb, we all know who to hold responsible!

My Apologies...

I very clearly owe an apology to Dr. Gilbert, the author of a Time Magazine article on Father's Day that I took great offense to. A link to my original post is here. Today I received a comment from Dr. Gilbert that informed me that he DOES indeed have a son (and a grandchild). His comment was as follows:

why is it that you can't just disagree with an argument and say why. but must instead add a lot of personal insults to your otherwise interesting counter-argument?I'm not a sick, bitter person. I just have a different view on some matters. Name calling makes you look foolish instead of thoughtful.

And oh, my son and granddaughter were very surprised to find out that I have no children.

To my credit, I did make a sincere (but obviously not thorough enough) effort to find out if he had children before I made my comments. Unfortunately, the only biography that I could find on him only stated that he lived with his wife in Cambridge (which makes sense since his child is grown). Therefore, with hat in hand, I apologize to Dr. Gilbert for my misstatement about his inability to make an accurate assesment of fatherhood due to his lack of experience in the matter.

I still stand by most of my other comments, and ironically, the knowledge that Dr. Gilbert has a son makes the article even more heartbreaking to me. I wonder how his son felt after reading that he was more of a burden than blessing in his father's life?

My 15 Minutes of Not-So-Much Fame

There's a radio station in the Boston area called Mike FM, that is relatively new here. It's one of those open format, no DJ's, "we play anything" kind of stations; I really like it. Anyway, they have this gimmick where you can go on the internet and request your two favorite songs. If they can play them, they'll call you up and record you introducing them. It's called "Mike on Demand".

Well, apparently they don't play "anything" because they didn't have the two songs I requested. But, as a little consolation prize, they called me tonight and asked me if I wanted to record a promo for them to play tomorrow. They're going on the air commercial-free for the 4th of July, and they wanted people to make a big deal out of it. So I made something up that they recorded over the phone (and they're going to splice the heck out of it because I made a bunch of mistakes). It's going to play sometime during the 11am hour tomorrow!

So, if you're in the Boston area, tune in and listen for my loverly voice on the air! If you're not in the area, I am pretty sure it's streaming online. It's only going to be a few seconds so probably not worth going out of your way to listen (especially since they couldn't say when in the hour it was going to play), but it's fun for me nonetheless!

Evolution of Dance

My dad sent me a link to this web page last week, and I thought it was hysterical. It's a little long, but worth taking a look at.

I think he's missing the most recent dance style - it's called Krumping, and it looks to me like the people are having seizures or are just about to begin fighting or something. Not really up my alley, but definitely worth a parody! It probably just means that I'm getting old. Of course, in this description they liken krumping to mosh pits. I spent a bit of time in mosh pits in my day, and I'm not sure it's the same thing, but I understand the concept - kind of a form on non-violent self-expression - although I came home a little bruised from mosh pits from time to time!

The First Day of Work

Well, I survived the first day of work, it was mostly uneventful...filling out paperwork in the morning, meeting dozens of people whose names I'd forgotten as soon as they were spoken, and reading a lot of old experimental data. Of the two senior scientists who were less than thrilled with my interviewing for a position with their group, one was quite kind and took me under her wing, the other did not say two words to me all day and seems to have a chip on his shoulder. I'll win him over eventually...he just needs to figure out that I'm really not a threat to him.

The good thing that happened today? I was already able to contribute significantly in a group meeting...

The bad thing that happened today? I was asked by at least five people if I was an RA (this is a great insult to someone who was previously a Senior Scientist and interviewed at the company for an Assistant Director position). My response was to smile and say "no, I'm a contract worker, so I don't have a title". Grin and bear it, right?

"What are we going to do tomorrow, Brain"

"The same thing we do every day Pinky, try to take over the world"

Getting Closer to the New Car

After a rediculous amount of time spent on the internet, I think that I've narrowed down my car search to two candidates...the Ford Freestyle and the Chrysler Pacifica. So, I went to my local car dealers yesterday for some test drives. Aside from the pure joy of seeing the look on the salesmen's faces when not only did a very pregnant woman walk into their showroom, but a pregnant woman without a man in tow, I enjoyed the shock they involuntarily revealed after I told them exactly what I was looking for after my extensive web research. I have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to get now, but let me tell you about my experience first...

I first went to the Ford dealership around the corner from my house. The salesperson was a very nice and knowledgable man. He treated me with a great deal of respect, not only detailing to me the fluffy "girly stuff" about the car, but also taking the time to describe the more technical aspects of the vehicle without making me feel like he thought I was a auto-moron. We took a long test drive (he let me choose the route) and I got to experience a lot of different circumstances that might occur with day-to-day driving. I told him about the other cars I was considering while we were driving around, and rather than poo-pooing them, he told me what he thought was good and bad about each of the other vehicles. When we returned to the dealership, he gave me comparison worksheets showing similarities and differences between the Freestyle and the other cars that I was looking at. There was no pressure, no sales pitch, no nonsense. Just his business card and the message that if I wanted to take another test drive, even test the car on my route to Worcester before I make the commitment to buy it, he'd be happy to oblige.

Next I went to the Chrysler dealership. This was a polar opposite experience. I was greeted at the door by a very slimy, balding, overweight, yucky salesperson. I told him what kind of car I wanted to test drive (i.e. the options I'm interested in), and he pulled over a car that "was the first I could find", rather than what I asked for. It was a very stripped-down basic model, not what I wanted at all. Then, he made me go get gas for it on the way to the test drive (he was in the car)! He didn't tell me any of the features of the car, he didn't tell me what makes it better than the other cars I was looking at, he didn't speak much at all aside from when I asked him very direct questions. He made me take a specified route that didn't allow me to test different conditions (i.e. highway vs. town), that lasted about 5 minutes. He also refused to put on his seatbelt because it was too hot. I don't care if he wants to kill himself, but the car has an alarm that tells you when someone is in the passenger seat without their seatbelt on, and he didn't know how to turn it off. So, we drove the whole test-drive with the stupid car beeping at me! When I finally asked him what makes the Pacifica different than the Freestyle, not only could he not answer with specifics, all he said was that the Ford is a piece of junk and that the Chrysler sells better. HUH?

Ok, so aside from the differences in the dealership experiences, what about the cars? I think I am able to separate the salesmen from their cars and keep an open mind on the pluses and minuses of each, and regardless, I came away liking the Freestyle better. Here's why:

• The Ford has a Continuously Variable Transmission (CVT) and the Chrysler does not. After driving a car with a CVT, the 4-speed automatic transmission of the Pacifica felt jerky. The CVT also improves on fuel efficiency
• The Ford's seats fold absolutely FLAT, and the center console of the second row of seats opens both frontwards and backwards, so that it also becomes flat if the seats are down. You can even fold the front passenger seat flat, so that there is almost 10 feet of flat cargo space if needed. The Pacifica seats don't fold flat, so you have a bump in the cargo compartment.
• Both cars have large disc brake rotors including ABS, but the Ford braked better, perhaps because it weighs a bit less than the Chrysler
• The Freestyle has more headroom, legroom, and cargo space
• There is poor visibility out the side and back windows of the Pacifica, I felt a little unsafe at intersections because it was difficult to see
• The true cost to own difference between the Freestyle and Pacifica is six cents per mile. That adds up...

So, I think I've decided on the Freestyle...what's the caveat? The slimy dealer at the Chrysler shop offered me $7100 off the sticker price of the Pacifica, including whatever they can give me for my trade-in (most likely the Jeep). This means that I could get a $36,000 car for about $25,000 (including the money from my trade-in). That's not bad. I could consider overlooking the other stuff for that price. I guess now is the time to call up the Ford dealer and see if he's willing to wheel and deal. This is the part I'm not good at. I need one of my sisters here - she and her husband are incredible bargain shoppers and HAGGLERS. They LOVE haggling...I HATE it.

Once I screw up my courage, I'm gonna give the Ford dealer a call...Umm...maybe tomorrow...

Ikea

I have a new favorite store - it's Ikea! I have actually been in these stores before, but I never really appreciated what they had to offer until last week. I have been looking for a dresser for my son's room for a while. I didn't want to spend a lot of money for it, but I didn't want a really cheap fiberboard piece of furniture either. After several online searches and trips to local furniture stores (bargain and otherwise), I realized that I wasn't going to find anything that fit my expectations for under $200. That is, until I went to Ikea last week.

My son and I went shopping, which is usually a recipe for disaster, because kids and furniture shopping don't mix very well. A 19-month old doesn't really have the patience for walking around and looking at boring furniture. The great thing about Ikea is that they encourage touching of their furniture, and each room that we went into had some sort of child-friendly activity or attraction. Especially in the children's furniture department, they had a whole room with things that the kids could play with. So, I had the opportunity to take my time and look at the dressers that they had available and pick out something that was pretty good quality and yet still affordable. BONUS!

Here's what I got, and I spent just over $100. It's perfect for our son's new bedroom, and it didn't break the bank!

The dresser:

The hamper:


The bonus kids table:

I also got a set of dividers for the top drawer of the dresser, and a set of plastic kid's cups for our son to graduate from his sippy cups with.

Grand total? $100.22 Woo-hoo!

As an aside, because I saved so much on the dresser, I splurged and bought some novelty drawer pulls to exchange for the ones that came standard. They're from a website called www.coolknobsandpulls.com.

Better Late Than Never

Well, here I am with 54 days to go until my due date (but since I only went to 39 weeks with my first son it's most likely 47 days...that's just under seven weeks for those of you who are as mathmatically impaired as I am), and I have a job! Ok, so it's not a REAL job with benefits and all the bells and whistles, but it is an income that is greater than my unemployment income. Beginning Monday, I am a consultant for the company I had the exploratory interview with in June. They hired me for eight weeks, to see if I could do more in these eight weeks than their current scientists have done in the past eight months. NO PRESSURE! Actually, I don't know that the last statement is true, I just know that they've been working for a while on developing the same assays that I'll be working on, and that they haven't made any significant progress. Thankfully, I have extensive experience with all three types of assays that they're trying to develop, so I can hit the ground running.

Here is my hope... I hope that I can get these assays going in my six-plus weeks with the company, and leave the higher-ups slack-jawed. That way, when I am back on the market for a position in November, they'll be begging me to come back and offer me a very prestigious position within the company. What will most likely happen outside of my imagination? I will at least not make a total ass out of myself in the next six weeks and leave them regretting bringing me on board for such a short period of time. Whatever happens in November I'll worry about as November approaches...I may not even like it there after I've been there for a short period of time!

As an aside, I was speaking with my mom yesterday and she said that after my scare on Tuesday, it's probably a good thing I've gotten a job because it's as close to "taking it easy" as I'll get. It's ironic that she thinks of it that way, but she's absolutely correct! At least if I'm working I'll be sitting at a desk or at a laminar flow hood and there will be no heavy lifting (son, laundry basket, furniture), no running after my son on his tricycle, not much bending... Who knew that getting a job would be a relief for more than financial reasons?

Keeping Track of Baby!

I found this website from postings on babycenter.com, isn't it cool? You insert your due date and then it keeps track of little details about your pregnancy...it's so fun to get the updates on where the baby is development-wise. Um, 56 days? That's SOON!



But, we can't forget about our first born son, this website also has a tracker to see how they're progressing... here's his:

Pre-term labor - AGAIN

Well, I had the distinct pleasure of spending a few hours in labor and delivery last night. Thankfully everything is ok, but I did have a little bit of a scare for a short period of time. It all started on monday night, when I was woken up by extreme pains that felt like contractions but were much higher than labor pains and were not the typical Braxton-Hicks contractions. I actually assumed that it was some stomach bug, so didn't worry too much about it. Unfortunately, the pains continued throughout the day on Tuesday, at times with these pains building up on one another in quick succession that made me double over in pain. I had my son at home with me, which made it even more difficult. But, I tried to continue about my day, we went to Costco and my son went for a bike ride up and down the street (I pushed the trike). I took a nap at the same time that my son did, but was unfortunately woken up several times from the nap by the pains.

Finally around 3pm I got a little fearful and couldn't take the pains any more, so I called the doctor. He asked me to come in to the hospital so that they could evaluate me, and I had to call my husband at work and ask him if he could come home early. Thankfully he could... He came home and took care of our son while I drove to the hospital and went into the Labor and Delivery unit. They hooked me up to the machines that measure the baby's heart rate (it was fine the whole time) and my contractions. Much to my surprise, I was having pretty substantial contractions, not of all of which I could feel. They were pretty regular in frequency but not in intensity or duration. They did some tests, including a fetal fibronectin test which would determine if I was going to go into true labor in the next couple of weeks. The tests were all negative, indicating that I should have at least two to three more weeks before delivering, and that I'll most likely go to term. So, the doctor gave me medication to stop the contractions, and they kept me there through dinner (yummy hospital food) and then released me to go home telling me to keep my feet up and drink lots of water.

Ironically, a similar but different thing happened with our first son. I didn't have these substantial pains, but I felt incredible pressure on the pelvic floor at around the same time of gestation. They had me go into Labor and Delivery and put me on i.v. fluids and a muscle relaxer, and monitored the baby. Similar to this pregnancy, they determined that I was having pretty substantial contractions that I wasn't actually feeling, but that could be responsible for the pressure that I was experiencing. As with the incident yesterday, I was sent home and told to take it easy for a day or two, and then I went about my business as usual. My first son ended up going to 39 weeks, so I'm convinced that all is well.

I mentioned this in a previous post - it's amazing how similar and yet how different this pregnancy is from the first. It's an emotional and physical roller coaster, and I'm having a wild ride!

Time Magazine Inappropriateness

There was an essay on the back page of last week's Time magazine that was, in my opinion, extremely misguided and inappropriate for the Father's Day holiday. The author is Daniel Gilbert, who is a Harvard psychologist. The premise of the essay is that fatherhood does not actually make you happy...I think that this man could use some therapy himself. Although the man is an acclaimed professor, he obviously has some unresolved issues. Ironically, the man has no children (or even pets) so I am not sure how he can write as an authority on the issue of fatherhood.

He begins his argument with the following paragrah:

Psychologists have measured how people feel as they go about their daily activities, and have found that people are less happy when they are interacting with their children than when they are eating, exercising, shopping or watching television. Indeed, an act of parenting makes most people about as happy as an act of housework. Economists have modeled the impact of many variables on people's overall happiness and have consistently found that children have only a small impact. A small negative impact.

Here is one of the flaws that commonly occurs with op-ed pieces written by scientists, especially those who are trying to use generic data to support their point of view. Without all of the information in the studies to which he is referring, we have no way of drawing conclusions for ourselves. What kind of interaction with their children? Is this when they come home and find that their child has shaved the dog and flushed mommy's jewlery down the toilet? Of COURSE I'd be unhappy interacting with my child at this point in time.

He then uses three arguments to support his point (I'm paraprhasing):

1. We pay more for things that make us happy, so since children are expensive, we assume that they MUST make us happy
2. Good memories are far more powerful and long-lasting than bad memories, so we fool ourselves into believing that we're happy by selectively remembering the good memories
3. Children are like heroin, when you're involved with children, all other things that previously made you happy fall by the wayside

Wow, this guy is OUT there. I could use these arguments in the absolute opposite way just as easily. First, people pay bucketloads to play golf, and I know MANY men and women who are absolutely MISERABLE when play, but they do it anyway. In addition, mortgages are expensive, but no one considers that they make us happy. It's just a necessary evil for home ownership. Second, I witnessed a house fire several years ago, and watched the firemen pull the lifeless bodies of five children out of the burning house. I can still see their bodies, I can still remember the smell of the fire, and the firemen who literally collapsed with grief when they completed their task. I'm not saying that this overpowers my every day thoughts, and I do have hundreds of good memories that fill my subconscious. But, my point is that unless you're very good at selective memory, you don't remember the good times at the expense of the bad. Third, yes, we less frequently participate in activities that we had previously done when we were single, but we have also increased our participation in in events we had never formerly taken part in.

Yes, our lives have changed, and we'll never get back to who we were when we were swinging singles or newly married. But frankly, I wouldn't want to go back to those times. Life and happiness is about evolving, experiencing new things, and finding joy in everything we can. As trying as our child can be, (and I have to add that he was VERY trying yesterday), I think that I can speak for both my husband and myself when I say that he is the light of our lives and that he truly DOES make us happy. Dr. Gilbert is a very bitter and misguided man who needs to experience fatherhood before he again attempts to write with authority on the subject.

Second Pregnancy-itis

No one ever tells you how different your second pregnancy is from the first. I think that part of it is that you don't know what to expect with your first, so you take everything in stride. This pregnancy has been different from the very beginning. I had incredible morning (actually evening) sickness and I crave sweets; with my first, I had very little morning sickness and craved spicy food. I was so sure that I was having a girl, but the ultrasound showed (very clearly, I might add) that we were expecting a second boy!

Anyway, last night I was home alone with my son, when I started having incredibly sharp pains that I have never felt before. I knew that they weren't contractions, but I also knew that I didn't have those pains with the first one! The difficulty was that my son was still insisting that I get him dinner and then we had to have our nighttime bath, but I was actually afraid to stand up as a result of the pain! I obviously had to, because I couldn't ignore the needs of my son. Luckily, once I put my son to bed and was able to lay down on the couch and get my feet up, the pain subsided and I started to feel a little better.

By chance, I had a routine OB appointment today and so I asked about it... Guess what she said? (I'm paraphrasing here) Oh yeah, that happens with second and subsequent pregnancies...your body never quite goes back to normal after you have one child. You're going to find that you have pains that you never had before, varicose veins show up (I don't have any yet, knock on wood), and from time to time it may feel like your baby is just going to FALL OUT (I'm not kidding - this is what she said). She then followed up by saying that I shouldn't worry because none of these things are abnormal and the baby won't just fall out. (Ok, the scientist in me knew that this was the case, but I still had this sense of...phew). She said that when I feel this way, I should just lay down, drink water, and keep my feet up until the feeling subsides. Are you kidding? She has kids, she should know better! There is no way my son will let me lounge around with my feet up whenever I feel this way! Oh well, such is the life of parents with young children.

This makes me laugh about my behavior during my first pregnancy. Based upon all of the doctors rules and suggestions, I didn't lift the laundry basket after my first trimester, I didn't have an OUNCE of caffeine, I protected my belly at all costs (even from benign threats). I definitely wasn't in the real world of parents with children. It's not that I'm not trying to do those things now, but my son weighs 30 lbs and I HAVE to lift him up, that is much more than a laundry basket would weigh! I had awful headaches at the beginning of this pregnancy, and so my doctor TOLD me to drink a cup of caffeine when that happens. My son routinely knees me or jumps on me (as toddlers are wont to do) and while I try to protect my belly, I'm beginning to learn how tough it is to damage these babies in utero.

So, the second pregnancy is really quite different than the first. I can't possibly be as careful as I was, and yet, so far, everything is going according to plan. The strange pains and other feelings are definitely new territory, but I will trust my doctor that this is just second pregnancy-itis. In the meantime, I'm counting the weeks until the baby is born. I don't want him to come early, but I am also ready to be done with this discomfort (and suffering through the heat!). To quote the Grateful Dead, "what a long, strange trip it's been..."

New Respect for Single Parents

My husband was out of town last week for a business trip. He was gone from a Friday to Wednesday night, but to me it seemed like an eternity. It's not even that my son is all that challenging, he's actually a great kid who is pretty easy-going. But, my husband's absence made me realize that when I am becoming frustrated with my son, I often look at the clock and calm myself down with the realization that he will be home in X hours to give me a break. That knowledge alone is enough to help me regroup and regain patience with my son. When my husband was gone, I didn't have that buffer and I found that I was really struggling to remain sane during the trying times. Luckily, I was able to retain my composure for the most part, and I hope that my son is none the worse for wear.

The experience really made me have respect for single parents. I suppose that if you never had a significant other to help you share the burden of child-rearing, you find other outlets for your frustrations so that you don't take them out on your children; but, if you are accustomed to having help, the lack of help really creates a void. The experience also helped me to realize how much my husband really helps out when he is around. He can sense when I'm getting to the end of my rope and swoops in to entertain our son or distract him. It's also wonderful to see how our son missed him when he was gone - every time we'd see his car in the driveway while he was away, our son would say "daddy's car", and be seemingly disappointed when we got inside and there was no daddy. Most of all, I think I really understand the concept of "it takes a village to raise a child". When my son was most challenging, it was wonderful to be able to go to a friend or neighbor's house and let him play with the other kids and just get a breather (or have a sounding board).

Bottom line is, to all single parents...I salute you. I hope that you have a great support network of friends and family to turn to in your trying times as I do!

What Are They Afraid Of?

I tend to stay away from discussing politics with anyone, mostly because I am far from an expert on the subject, and I don't believe that I can intelligenly discuss many issues. One of the reasons for my ineptitude with all things political is that I really never had confidence in our political system. In fact, I didn't even vote in a presidental election until the Clinton/Bush election. My sister and I would often argue about my inertia when it came to voting, and I would always respond that I just didn't feel like my vote mattered. How ironic when the sentiment came true in the Bush/Gore election (even though I DID vot in that election)! I just realized I should have called my sister to rub it in when Gore won the popular vote but Bush won the election! Man, what a missed opportunity.

Anyway, what's making me nervous this week is this issue with the FBI search of the office of Congressman William Jefferson from Louisiana. C'mon, the dude had $90,000 in his freezer, this is not the behavior of an innocent (or at least not a sane) man. The thing that is scary about this news story is that as a result of this search, there was bipartisan agreement in Congress that this search by the FBI was illegal and that congressmen should have immunity from search by any branch of the justice department. These political parties cannot agree on ANYTHING lately, yet suddenly they agree on this. This leads me to the question - what in the world are these people afraid of? What are they hiding in their offices that they don't want the general public (or the justice department) to know about? I've read a couple of articles on this, and I can't even decipher what the constitution intends by the amendment that Congress thinks is being violated...here's an excerpt from a blog at the Chicago Tribune:

That protection rests in the “speech and debate clause” of Article I, Section 6 of the Constitution. It reads that senators and representatives “shall in all Cases, except Treason, Felony and Breach of the Peace, be privileged from Arrest during their Attendance at the Session of their respective Houses, and in going to and returning from the same; and for any Speech or Debate in either House, they shall not be questioned in any other Place.”

The clause was meant to prevent members of Congress from being “intimidated” during political disagreements by the two other branches, the executive and judiciary, according to Charles Tiefer, a law professor at the University of Baltimore School of Law and a former legal counsel in both the House and Senate.

Ok, I agree that intimidation should not be a factor in the activities of Congress or the Senate, but I have long had an issue with diplomatic immunity. Just because of someone's status as a diplomat, it should not make them above the law that the remainder of the citizens of the United States (or in whatever country the diplomat is assigned) are held to. And, typical of Bush, rather than addressing the issue directly and takind a stand, he decided to seal all of the records to give everyone a "cooling off period". Are you kidding me? This is the solution?

How in the world is there any protection of Joe Citizen when our government officials (starting with the President) believe that they are above the laws that were created to protect our rights? How in the world can we protect ourselves if there is NO GROUP of individuals that has the right to investigate potential wrongdoings? The fact that our representatives from both parties in Congress are agreeing that their offices should be their own private domain not under the jurisdiction of any legal agency again leads me to the question, "Shouldn't WE be afraid of what they're afraid of us finding in there?"

Ridiculous Traffic!

I have been frantically looking for the perfect gift for my father for Father's Day, and I'm running out of time! I had to go get the car serviced today, north of Boston, and I decided that I would go to a quaint specialty shop in Cambridge on my way home. It's not really on the way home, but I had to go South, so I went Southeast rather than Southwest. I should have known that something was up when the offramp for Storrow Drive heading West was backed up at noon on a Friday, but I remained blissfully unaware of the true meaning of backup until I tried to get into Cambridge.

You see, at least twice a year, Cambridge becomes a no-travel-zone for the locals - the two times a year are the day that the colleges begin their fall terms and the day they end their spring semester. Harvard and MIT exist within a few miles of one another, and they have oodles of students that are only here during the school year. Today happened to be the end of the semester for Harvard students, and I happened to pick today to go to Harvard Square to go to this shop. BIG MISTAKE. If the driving capabilities of these students and their parents are any reflection of their mental capacity, then we should all be VERY afraid (and I'm not just saying this because I went to rival Cornell). People were driving the wrong way down one-way streets, blocking intersections, and double-parking on one-lane roads. What should have been a quick trip ended up taking me 2 1/2 hours because I was TRAPPED within the maze of Harvard Square roads. I finally found a parking space and went into this great shop, and they had that PERFECT GIFT FOR MY DAD! Unfortunately just not in the size I wanted... Bummer. It was par for the course of my life lately!

I swear, the Universities should be required to take out huge print, radio and television ads to let us poor schmucks know when these traffic days from hell are going to take place so that we can avoid those areas like the PLAGUE.

Hopefully I'll find something for dad this weekend!

Proof I Really Need a Job

The real proof that I desparately need to rejoin the workforce and stimulate my brain is that while I was mowing the lawn this week I had "The Honker, Duckie, Dinger Jamboree" from Sesame Street running through my head. Yikes.

I Got Stoned & Missed It

Don't panic mom and dad, I'm not talking about myself. I heard this song on the radio today, and was SHOCKED to find out that it was done by Shel Silverstein! This is the same man who wrote such inspirational tales as The Giving Tree and The Missing Piece. These are children's classics! I also vividly remember reading his books of poetry in gradeschool - Where the Sidewalk Ends and A Light in the Attic. We even wrote a book of poetry as a class when I was in gradeschool and called it "A Candle in the Basement" in tribute to the great Shel himself. I guess I have to take off my rose-colored glasses now.

So, I went on to do a little research to find if there were other things I didn't know about Mr. Silverstein. Did you know he wrote the Grammy-winning "A Boy Named Sue" for the late great Johnny Cash? Neither did I! There's a lot more to this man than his children's books - here's what I found in Wikipedia:

Born and raised in Chicago, Illinois, Silverstein's talents were already well-developed by the time he served in the US armed forces. Silverstein was stationed in Japan and Korea in the 1950s, and while in the military, he was a cartoonist for the Pacific edition of the military newspaper, Stars And Stripes. After serving in the military, Silverstein became a writer, photographer, cartoonist for Playboy in 1956 (and ended up living in the Playboy Mansion for an extended period of time), but he is best known for writing and illustrating his children's literature including The Missing Piece, A Light in the Attic, Where the Sidewalk Ends, Falling Up and The Giving Tree. He also wrote Uncle Shelby's ABZ Book, a satirical mock children's book, and created Different Dances, a coffee-table book of wordless, adult-themed cartoons.

Silverstein's passion for music was clear early on as he studied for awhile at the Chicago College of Performing Arts at Roosevelt University. As a songwriter, Silverstein kept a low profile but cast a long shadow. He tended to shun publicity and even photographers. Nonetheless, his musical output included many songs which were hits for other artists. Most notably, he wrote the music and lyrics for "A Boy Named Sue" that was performed by Johnny Cash (for which he won a Grammy
in 1970); "One's On the Way" (which was a hit for Loretta Lynn), and "The Unicorn Song"; which, despite having nothing to do with Ireland nor Irish culture, became the signature piece for The Irish Rovers in 1968 and is popular in Irish pubs all over the world to this day. He wrote the lyrics and music for most of the Dr. Hook songs, including "Cover of the Rolling Stone," "Freakin' at the Freakers' Ball," "Sylvia's Mother" and the cautionary song about VD, "Don't Give a Dose To the One You Love Most." He also wrote many of the songs performed by Bobby Bare, including "Marie Laveau", "Rosalie's Good Eats Cafe", "The Mermaid", "The Winner", and "Tequila Sheila". The song "The Ballad of Lucy Jordan," recorded in 1979 by Marianne Faithfull and later featured in the films Montenegro and Thelma & Louise,
was also by Silverstein.

Silverstein also had a popular following on Dr. Demento's radio show. Among his most popular songs were, "Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout (Would Not Take The Garbage Out)", "The Smoke Off" (a tale of a contest to determine who could roll - or smoke - marijuana joints faster) and "I Got Stoned And I Missed It". He also wrote "A Boy Named Sue, Part 2", in which he tells the story from the original song, but from the father's point of view.

During his short career as a producer, he co-wrote the screenplay Things Change with David Mamet, and was nominated for an Oscar for his music for the film Postcards from the Edge. He also composed original music for several other films, and displayed a musical versatility in these projects, playing guitar, piano, saxophone and trombone. He continued to write colloquial poetry on occasion throughout his life, including a rap version of Shakespeare's Hamlet that was published (on yellow-beige specialty paper) in Playboy magazine in 1998.

Silverstein was posthumously inducted into the Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame in 2002.

In 2005, Silverstein's most recent book, entitled Runny Babbit, was published. As the title suggests, every poem and illustration in the book consists of spoonerisms.
Silverstein died on May 10, 1999 in Key West, Florida of a heart attack. He had two children. Shel's daughter was named Shoshanna, shortened to Shanna. Her mother was a woman named Susan Hastings, whom Shel had a relationship with but did not marry. Shanna, born on June 30, 1970, died in Baltimore, MD, in April 24, 1982, at the age of eleven of a brain aneurysm. "It was the single most devastating event of his life, and he never really did recover from it", says a close friend. Had Shanna lived, she would have been 29 at the time of Shel's death. Shoshanna's mother, Susan, died on June 29, 1975, also in Baltimore. A side note: "A Light in the Attic" was dedicated "to Shanna", and Shel had drawn the sign with a flower attached. Shoshanna means "rose" in Hebrew. Silverstein's son, Matthew, was 15 when his father died on May 10, 1999. Matthew is the sole heir to Shel Silverstein's $20 million estate. Shel's 1996 "Falling Up" was dedicated to Matt

Wow, what a career! What I love best about all this information is that most of his amazing career took place beneath the radar of the common Joe. More than that, he was so well-rounded. He was a novelist, a poet, a lyricist, a producer, a father, a playboy (I'm assuming giving the fact he lived in Playboy mansion), a soldier, a rapper, a satirist, and probably more that we don't know about.

I wonder which of these descriptions he would list first?

Not Even on "The Jetsons"

Have you seen this article about robots in the classroom? I don't even think they conceptualized this on The Jetsons! Here are the basics from the PEBBLES Project website:

PEBBLES was developed in Canada by a private company called Telbotics in cooperation with Ryerson University and the University of Toronto.

A PEBBLES system consist of two child-sized robots capable of transmitting video, audio and documents to each other. One unit is placed with the hospitalized child and the other unit is located in the child's regular classroom. The units are connected via a high-speed communications link. The classroom unit has a swiveling monitor that duplicates human head movement and a hand that serves as an attention getting device. PEBBLES creates a virtual presence for the remote child in the classroom. The presence that is so real that teachers and fellow students come to react to the school unit as if it were the hospitalized child.

I think it's a fantastic concept...what a great opportunity for children who are bed-ridden. Life in the hospital must be so isolating for children, especially those with terminal cancer, and this can help them to feel like they're having at least a more normal childhood. I am curious why they chose the hospitals that they did for the pilot program. Not that I know anything much about these hospitals that they did choose, I'm just curious.

One of the hospitals that was chosen was the Rainbow Babies and Children's Hospital in Cleveland, Ohio. This hospital holds a special place in my family's heart, because their NICU is where my little sister lived for a while after she was born two months prematurely. It's amazing what these nurses and doctors can do for preemies. I remember that at the same time my sister was in the NICU, there was another baby who was born three months prematurely, and her future was quite uncertain. There were no traditional baby clothes that would fit her, so they dressed her in Holly Hobby doll clothes. I am not sure what happened to her, but I do know that this hospital did a great job with my little sister, and that she's a beautiful, intelligent, accomplished woman now!

Ok, back to robots. If I was made of money, I think that I would invest in this program. I did a post-doctoral fellowship at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, and I saw first-hand so many brave children who are struggling with their illnesses and who cannot leave the hospital. They do have teachers come in and teach them so that they don't fall behind their peers, but imagine if they can spend each day (or a portion of each day) with their friends in "real time"! I firmly believe that a part of recovery process for these kids is feeling "normal", not different from the others. This program may give them the hope that they're not falling behind their peers and that when they recover, they can fully integrate into the life that they knew prior to becoming so sick. Kudos to The Learning Collaborative Inc. and the PEBBLES Project for implementing this program in the US. I wish it continued success!

Drat that Cat!

We adopted a cat a little over a year ago, he was a stray that someone who had a lot of cats took in, only to find that he didn't get along with other cats. Thankfully, he gets along well with dogs, which ultimately led to our adopting him. He is FIV positive, (the kitty equivalent to HIV), so we are trying to be responsible and not let him out any more, since he could infect other kitties. For the most part, we've all adapted nicely. The dog thinks that he's a built-in playmate, and he's a total enigma to our son. He's made it clear that he merely tolerates us because we feed him. He has a tendency to beg for food, even though he's well fed. I suspect that this goes back to his days as a stray when he wasn't sure when his next meal would arrive. He starts begging for dinner (we feed the critters around 6pm) at 3pm, and he starts begging for breakfast around 3am. He is VERY vocal. This is very annoying, especially at 3 in the morning. Point is, he loves food.

This brings us to today. My son has a little cabin fever due to the incessant rain of the past few days. He definitely needs his outside time every day or he starts to go a little batty. I took him grocery shopping today and when we got back from the store he wasn't prepared to be patient for me to put the groceries away. So, I quickly threw the frozen stuff in the freezer, and left the remainder of the groceries in their bags while I took my son outside to stomp in puddles in the drizzle. We were outside for about 20 minutes. We came back inside, and what did I find? Not the dog, but the CAT rummaging through the bags. I was already having a tough day, but this was icing on the cake! He actually broke into the chicken sausages I had bought and ate one of them. He must have thought he hit the jackpot! I was so proud of the dog, she was looking at me like "see? I didn't touch it, but did you see what the kitty did?". Unfortunately, you can't really punish a cat, so all I could do is pick up what was left of my groceries and go on with my already yucky day.

This is the thanks we get for taking in a stray cat...a very loud wake up call at 3am and a food thief. It's a good thing he's really affectionate and has so much personality, or he might have been looking for another new home by now!